I told my friend Meg yesterday that I feel like I'm in a time warp. I started talking to an old friend again after an almost 2 year silence (we just drifted apart) and there's still familiarity there. It kind of wigs me out. And there are some other people from the past popping up too. If I ever needed a reminder that everything is cyclical...there it is. I don't think things are linear with solid stops and starts. I think everything comes back to the beginning and this is both comforting and awful. I'm rambling. It IS rather early, after all...
I'm the kind of girl that always had boys as friends. Not in an "I'm a Giant Slut" kind of way, but in an "I like Ninja Turtles and not wearing dresses" kind of way. That hasn't ended now that I'm older. I've had this feeling like a void for a while and I realized: I don't hang out with as many dudes as I'd like. Part of it is age-there are fewer dudes to hang with because a lot of the people I know are married. Part of it is occupational hazard-I'm in theatre...lots of the "dudes" are gay. (Not that that's bad. I love my gays.) It's kind of like when I went to college and there was a huge lack of other Asian people in my life. I grew up with other Asians and boys as friends and it shaped my self and now I need that to be content.
Long story short: I need some straight dudes to drink with, preferably single so as to not get into any girlfriend jealousy awkwardness.
Long story shorter: I need my drinking buddies from the last 2 summers to convene again.
And (full circle) I have to stop clinging to the past and longing for it because life always moves forward...not back to my comfort zone.
